i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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