A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
