life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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