I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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