Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
