We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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