I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
