i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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