Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
