hotel room ftw
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
