He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
