He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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