the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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