one might say we're banned from that church
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
