God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
