so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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