Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
