you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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