"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
