i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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