You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
