some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
