I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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