Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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