i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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