I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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