ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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