Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
