I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
