we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
