I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
