her vagine was all disorganized.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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