then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
