They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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