My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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