Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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