just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
