I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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