Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
