I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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