You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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