He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
