imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
