first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its not stalking. its research.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
