Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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