let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
