chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
