Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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