Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
