I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The struggles of a small town man whore
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
