I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
