Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
