is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
